December

Little did I know this day would feel like a movie I had always dreamt of recreating.

We walked down the glimmering street,

The cool air brushing against our faces.

It wasn’t too cold quite yet,

But I still was holding your hand so tight.

The Christmas trees gave us that joyful spirit we needed since there was no snow on the ground.

You hugged me and said those three words for the first time,

Even though we accidentally said it so many times.

You were calm and I was oblivious as to what was happening.

You asked me to be yours,

Knowing I would say yes.

The moment I had been waiting for what seemed to be forever.

Today was a fairytale.

Haunted

Your words fill this tiny one bedroom apartment.

Your spirit is in the air,

Sitting on your side of the couch,

Laughing at everything,

Watching me cook dinner,

Staring at me the way you did in awe.

I see you everywhere,

Your body is on your side of the bed,

Your sweatshirt in the closet,

Your smell on the sheets.

The memory of us is a ghost I can’t get rid of.

Blue

A clear sky, no clouds for miles.

Your favorite color.

The shadow around the moon.

The sea as we were staring out into the distance on a cruise ship. Taking in every peaceful moment.

The crocs you wore when meeting my entire family.

Your denim jacket.

The sweaters we wore to a Christmas party.

The pillows we slept on every single night.

The way that I feel now that you’re gone.

How can I see blue without you?

Why does everything, such as a simple color, have to be a haunting reminder of you?

Melancholy

The storm will pass.

We aren’t meant to be broken.

Heartbreak isn’t meant to last forever.

Your mind always plays tricks on you, my love.

You should give your heart a break.

Let yourself heal,

Cry,

Weap,

Sob,

Scream,

Think,

Hurt.

Do not let it consume you.

Feeling myself fall into that dark place.

Right on the edge.

Do not let yourself go.

Slowly, the pain will go away.

The depression will fade.

Time will heal all wounds.

Walk away.

A Small Reminder

I pray you never search back through your past for someone that hurt you.

All of those words he said, the fights you had, the tears you shed-

He deserved none of you.

I pray you remember that the moment he left was your closure and that he was a lesson

A lesson not only for you to grow away from him, but to remind yourself to never be with someone or be someone like that again.

Be the someone you strive to be. Not because of a boy, but because you decided that you wanted to be that someone.

Be with someone who treats you kind, doesn’t make you feel crazy, trusts and supports you, respects your wishes, and your values.

Your love for yourself should not even compare to any love you have for anyone else.

Your worth is more than that,

I promise.

Lioness

On the prowl for something new.

Hungry for evolution.

Thirsty for more.

Pouncing on a new opportunity,

Risk it all.

Lusting over the chance to feel,

Numb the pain with a change.

Leave her guessing,

She knows the games,

Plays them better than you.

She knows exactly what she wants,

Nothing can stop her.

A queen,

Attains all of her wishes.

Nothing can change her.

Fears nothing,

Longs for the unfamiliarity.

A fiery goddess.

[Photo from WeHeartIt]

Hold On

Every life decision and small choice leading to the moment we met was meant to happen.

Our first encounter was destiny.

You wrapped your soul into mine so steadily.

I’ve never felt a touch like yours.

I’ve never had a love so pure that I never wanted to let go.

That night,

Was the beginning of everything.

Then, one night years later,

Was the ending I so dreaded.

How can a love fall so quickly from your grasp?

How can one give up so easily?

How can you not give love another chance?

Say you want me too.

Say you hear me out.

Say you love me.

A Journey

I have this sort of intuition about people that may be bothersome, but for me it weeds out the bad and good people.

My mom would always say to give people chances because they’re probably a good person and I’m just picky.

Not the case and many people tend to show true colors early on.

I’ve slowly come to terms that I need to trust this inside voice in my head/feeling in my chest when it comes to a bad situation or person.

If it’s not there, it’s not there. No force. Whether that be friendships or relationships.

When you’re an introvert like me, you latch onto people easily if you love their spirit.

This causes a real release and weight being taken off your shoulders because you can finally be yourself with someone.

He was my home. My peace. My escape from the demons and thoughts roaming inside my head.

This possibly also causes tension, and codependency can easily take control of this relationship.

When he left, I immediately felt like my lifeline was gone. My person was gone. My other half was gone.

We talk every single day, but it’s not the same when that person isn’t technically your significant other anymore. Your safe place is gone and you have to find something else to cope with the pain.

This can lead to a bad path very fast.

This time was different for me, I felt all of my emotions, I poured my heart out when I needed to, I challenged myself to live an independent life and if he stayed, he stayed. If he left, he left and I will be okay again.

Initially, I was terrified. Honestly, I have been miserable.

Now, I can say I am hopeful for the future,

If we work out, or not.

Being an intuitive and introverted creature in this crazy world can be scary, but you have to keep pushing along and finding the loop holes to strengthen yourself.

I Was the Moon

Illuminating in the dark,

Nights were meant for me to remind you of the beauty it holds.

The serene face,

The thought-provoking essence,

The stars inducing even more glamor to the already beautiful sight in the night sky.

Oh, how she shined for you.

She fought away all of the darkness coming your way,

Showing you the glittering parts of life.

The moon hesitated to shine so bright for you,

Didn’t want you to dull her light.

Yet, you made her radiate more than anyone in the universe could.

The moon would do anything to go through all of her phases with you.

Your fear doesn’t scare her,

She has seen the darkest parts of the world and embraces them.

Don’t go inside,

Stay and see what her gleaming beauty can bring.

Loves Truth

Growing up I was told that love was this happily ever after everyone longed for. There were romance movies and princesses that fell in love with the perfect man who saved her. I wanted this love that would fix everything and make everything better in life.

No one tells you about this kind of love, though. The love that breaks more than helps your heart.

The love that makes you cry in the morning, in the car, any chance you got to be alone.

The hurt you feel the moment they say goodbye.

The pain in your chest thinking you will never see or talk to them again.

No one told you that you would be miserable for months because all you want is them right next to you.

They don’t tell you this because no one wants to break you when you’re young. You don’t need to know the truth of what love actually is until you feel it yourself.

No one wants to see the other side of love.

No one wants to hear that there could be bad with the good.