Escape

#poem

I carry you with me wherever I go.

It doesn’t matter how small it is,

Everything reminds me of you.

It could be as simple as looking in my passenger seat,

You smiling and playing music you love.

You in the bedroom,

Pacing around studying for your big tests.

I hear your constant silliness to get me to smile.

You were always trying to make me happy.

The endless compliments I will never forget.

I will never go to a movie theater without a thought of you.

Under the surface, you’re there.

Everywhere.

So much of you is in everything I do.

Road Block

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I could write a short story about the hurt, but that won’t change anything.

I could write a novel about how infinite our love seemed, but that won’t change anything either.

Doing so will not bring you back.


I thought it would be you and I in the end.

“Destiny” fueled the hope.

I had prayed for someone like you.

Fate connected us.


They say everything happens for a reason and I always believed that. Meeting someone you called a soulmate and best friend happened for a reason. You leaving so abruptly didn’t seem like it happened for a reason at first.

I cried an ocean over the end of us. As time has gone on I have realized this is just a road block and I have to find a different road to take in life that gets me where I need to be.

You taught me how to love, how I don’t need a man to be happy, and most importantly you taught me how to love myself so fiercely.

I can only thank you for the time spent and the lessons I’ve learned.

Heal

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It’s 10am on a Sunday.

My thoughts are only of you.

Good morning messages,

none of them from you.

Just another day of pointless conversation,

with every word you speak I feel the distance.

It’s hard not telling you everything anymore.

It’s hard not saying I love you.

It’s hard coming to terms with the fact that you no longer feel the same way you once did.

Days have gotten easier but the love isn’t gone.

The memories aren’t gone.

The tears aren’t gone.

You are still physically here, but your soul has disappeared.

Lately, thoughts have rushed back to me because moving on takes time and everyone has a different way of healing.

Where do I start?

How can I heal?

6 Months

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Maybe it’s time I take my head off of this pillow,

Get a little fresh air,

Clear my head from thoughts of you and all the memories we share.

Maybe it’s time I be happy,

Give myself a break to heal,

Grab my favorite coffee,

Do all the things I love to do.

Maybe I should turn around from this dead end road,

Hold my breath,

Dive deep into my own soul,

The soul that was made for you.

Maybe this wasn’t wasted,

I had the time of my life with you,

Our adventures were exciting,

Our love so pure and unlike any other.

Maybe I was careless,

I took your sweet words too seriously,

Opened my heart and shattered my walls,

Grew closer and closer as time went on.

Maybe you are right,

But honey, what if you are wrong?

What’s meant to be, will be,

Maybe you will find your way back to me.

I Don’t Know How to Stop Missing You

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Moving on has never felt so impossible.

Now I have to not only forget about the past,

but, forget the future that was supposed to be spent.


“We are going to be okay” turned into “You’ll be okay”,

The next time we see eachother is no longer promised,

Our future is no longer certain,

The conversations no longer positive every day,

Slowly, I’m sure our words will expire,

Just like your faith in us seems to have done.

I cannot get over us.


Torn between trying to get “us” back and giving up.

Sorrow

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Here we meet again,

Your darkness ignites the sadness inside.

Pushing any happiness I had left.

You remind me of all bad things, past, present, and future.

You pull me in with your irresistible smile, knowing exactly what affect you have on me.

Knowing that my motivation and happiness is deteriorating with every breath,

You force me to not show anyone.

You pull me further in,

While I slowly breathe less and less,

My heart beats faster,

I have no desire for anything,

Other than you.

Come Back

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If I’m being honest,

I never thought you would leave.


How come your words cut so deeply this time?

I never thought you’d say goodbye.

When you touched my skin so softly, did you know you were leaving then?

I never thought you’d touch me for the last time.

What was going on in your mind when you told me you loved me?

I never thought you would fall out of love.

Who is the girl that is running through your mind now?

I never thought you’d want someone else too.

Where did you go while you zoned out of me venting my feelings to you?

I never thought you wouldn’t care.

Why are we at this point of no return in your eyes?

I never thought our love could fizzle out for you.


If I’m behing honest,

I never thought you would leave.

I Wish I Could Tell You…

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“From the moment we locked eyes, you were irreplaceable.” Your irresistible smile drew me in and you took my breath away.

“Time stopped with you. Every moment was my favorite.” Even the fights, the bad times, all of it, I wanted to be near you and wanted every moment to last forever.

“The days are a lot better when you’re around. You made me a happier and positive person.” Motivating me to be better, opening my world and mind, creating a better version of myself.

“You saved me from myself and you don’t even know that. I was in a dark place and you took me out. Now I’m right where I began.” I’m heartbroken and lost again. I try so hard to not fall into the dark spell of sadness again.

“I could care less about anyone else in this world as long as you’re mine.” No one else in this world matters to me in the way I loved you.

“You are the only person in this world that makes me feel confident. I have always been insecure and you truly made me feel normal.” Never met someone in this life that accepted me for who I am.

“You are my peace, my comfort, my home. My best friend.” My soulmate.

“Can you die from a broken heart? Because this feeling seems it’s going to kill me.” My heart will beat so fast at the most random times when I think about you not being mine anymore.

“My heart is forever yours. You’ll have a piece of me wherever you may go.” I’m still yours, no matter how hard I try to take this heart away.

“How come I’m the only one fighting for something that’s real?”

“I would give anything to have you again.”

December

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Little did I know this day would feel like a movie I had always dreamt of recreating.

We walked down the glimmering street,

The cool air brushing against our faces.

It wasn’t too cold quite yet,

But I still was holding your hand so tight.

The Christmas trees gave us that joyful spirit we needed since there was no snow on the ground.

You hugged me and said those three words for the first time,

Even though we accidentally said it so many times.

You were calm and I was oblivious as to what was happening.

You asked me to be yours,

Knowing I would say yes.

The moment I had been waiting for what seemed to be forever.

Today was a fairytale.

Haunted

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Your words fill this tiny one bedroom apartment.

Your spirit is in the air,

Sitting on your side of the couch,

Laughing at everything,

Watching me cook dinner,

Staring at me the way you did in awe.

I see you everywhere,

Your body is on your side of the bed,

Your sweatshirt in the closet,

Your smell on the sheets.

The memory of us is a ghost I can’t get rid of.